My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.

Heya, how are we? 


This week has made me want to put myself in the corner and think about my actions. Sigh. I’ve been off work and have made it my mission to not be killed by boredom, but in the process have found myself asking ‘Why is this my lifeeeeeeeee?’ and laughing at myself time and time again.


Heading over to Newmarket to go wedding dress shopping with my bestie was a perfect way to kick off the week. What wasn’t was getting lost…again. Somehow I ended up over in North Shore on my way to Newmarket, god knows how that happened? (Non-Aucklanders, they’re miles away from each other. Don’t ask!) I’m slowly learning my way around, but one problem in Auckland is once you take a wrong turn it takes a long time to find your way again. Stoopid one-way streets. Getting lost can be exciting and one of the best ways to work out your new surroundings, but when you’re getting lost at least once every time you leave the house it’s as fun as a poke in the eye. How much do you think a sense of direction costs these days? 


When I’m not getting lost, I’ve spent my days choreographing my Salsa solo, for a competition coming up in the beginning of August. There has been one part of my song that is driving me bonkers. I just can’t seem to get it. On Tuesday morning I got out of bed, wandered into the lounge, began watching TV and then had a creative burst that had me up dancing around my living room. I chucked on my music, thinking I was the only one home, and began dancing (still in my PJs might I add). I started getting really hot (my purple sweatshirt, one that mirrors the one I had when I was five, does not breathe at all) so thought I should probably go and put on some dance clothes. Oh and a bra, before I knock myself out with my nungas (Such a hilarious story behind that word! Another time…) I took off my sweatshirt mid lounge, threw it on the ground and began walking to my room topless, as you do. Little did I know Farn, the Chinese exchange student that NEVER comes out of his room, (Apparently since I’ve moved in he has become invisible) decided now is a good time to come out and walks right into my path. I paused. PAUSED?? What was I thinking? Poor boy. Taking my shaking hands I clasped my breasts firmly, ensuring there was no slippage of nipple…woaaaah sorry, been reading WAY too much of Fifty Shades of Grey lately. Where was I? Oh yeah, standing in the hallway topless in front of the innocent Chinese student. I covered me giant girls and bolted towards my bedroom. There were bouncing bosoms, twirling tits, jumping jugs…you get the point. BOOBS everywhere. It’s safe to say the poor Chinese kid was in shock, making lots of ‘uh, um oh’ noises as he quickly closed the door. I haven’t seen him since. 


Woops. 


After last weekend’s episode, I opted for a sober one this time round. Saturday night was spent watching an Auckland University contemporary dance show. Contemporary is a dance style that is so creatively strange that you sometimes have to remember to breathe. One piece featured dancers inside plastic bags. I was scared. Did their parents never tell them to never put their head inside plastic bags? Gosh! One of my longest and dearest friends was in the show and it was amazing to watch her do something she’s passionate about. I walked away feeling proud, out of my depth and a little traumatised. All in all a great show. 


This week proved to me ...


I cannot bake to save myself (I’m yet to give up though and have opted for baking lessons. Thanks AG. You have no idea what you’re in for). I will be domesticated, I will.


My car is on its last leg (Well wheels) and apparently talking to it at the garage only makes you look strange to bystanders. 


Also getting a FREE Brazilian from a trainee just is NOT worth it. Not when she gets the wax caught right on the sore spot. Ladies you know what I’m talking about. Rip, stuck. Rip, stuck. RIP, fucking stuckkkkk! ( I’m pretty sure she ripped half of my vagina off! Poor feefoo). 


Oh and one more thing, TED is such a hilarious movie. There is something about a teddy bear talking dirty that makes me laugh.out.loud. A must see for sure!


Mama Sloan arrives in Auckland next weekend for some fun in the big city. I’m very much looking forward to it. Dinner on the Viaduct, cocktails, grinding in the clubs (Ok, not really). I am going to be on my best behaviour… heh heh heh.




Love & Laughs


Bex