Intensely distracted.

Hi you. It feels like forever since we last spoke.


I’ve been lost in a world of sex dungeons. Helicopter rides. Gorgeous rich men. Boat trips. Flash cars. Fancy dinners. I’ve been lost in a certain Mr. Grey (Wish it was the other way round). Fifty Shades of Grey. W.O.W. You’ve all heard about it, and women everywhere are reading it. In my opinion it is bloody good, for all the wrong reasons (But o0o0o so right!). It makes me look at elevators in a much different way now. And pool tables, pianos, showers, bath tubs and office desks. My chains and whips just don’t live up to my expectations anymore. Not to mention my sex slaves just don’t cut it, or whip it, or bite it or... I had to fire one the other day; he has two kids to feed. Poor bugger. The book also makes me want vanilla ice-cream (and I HATE vanilla ice-cream … Don’t look at me like that, I had sun stroke when I was 12 and Mum insisted I eat it. Haven’t touched the stuff since). Ladies… If you haven’t read it yet, I insist you do. You won’t be disappointed. That is until you put the book down and realise you’re now horny and alone. 


Sigh. 


Even right at this minute Fifty Shades is screaming at me. ‘Read me. Open me up and caress my insides. Read it, read it till you’re finished.’ This love affair I’m having with a fictional character (F.I.C.T.I.O.N.A.L. Gosh that was hard for me to say!) isn’t healthy. So I’m putting it down and stepping away. It’s time to engage with real people… You’ll do :)


My mama came up to play in the big smoke with me and I’m pretty sure we consumed all of the cities wine, coffee and peppermint tea. We spent a lot of the weekend peeing. We caught up over lunch at Sale St (A funky little bar/restaurant I very much enjoy), lots of speaking, sipping, speaking, sipping, pausing to check out Colin Mathura-Jeffree, speaking, sipping. 


Caught up with family. Drank more wine. Then went on a movie date to see Snow White and Huntsman. I must admit I had higher hopes for that movie. I also highly suggest you don’t go to the movies tipsy. Auckland’s movie seats are WAY too comfy for that. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz z z z 


Saturday brought surprise facials, brunch, shopping, coffee and protests (Mum almost had to stop me from jumping in on the action. I have always wanted to be part of a protest. It’s on the bucket list. This just wasn’t my time. We did however sign the petition against selling NZ assets and walked away feeling rather proud of our little contribution). We checked into a hotel (and laughed as Mum reassured me this was not what it looked like in the pictures). The beds were small, but comfy enough. The shower’s water pressure was so hard that it hurt my nipples. The noisy elevator (There’s that word again. Mmmm) was right by our rooms and the TV didn’t really cooperate. But who needs a really flashy place when all you’re going to do is open wine, drink wine, whine about being all out of wine and then come home from town having had too much wine. Us Sloan girls like our wine. No! Really?...I think we hide it well.


My bestie and Mum’s fourth daughter joined us for the evening. We celebrated ten years of friendship (God knows how she did it?!!) with dinner at Orbit, Auckland’s own revolving restaurant on top of the Sky Tower. It was a real treat (Thanks Mama Sloan). We had the sweetest little smiley Asian waitress (I wanted to put her in my purse and take her home with me) and knowing the way to our hearts, we were all treated to complimentary bubbles. It was the most gorgeous crisp Auckland evening making the view to die for. I’m not sure if it was the wine or the fact that the whole restaurant was moving but I left feeling very wobbly. This was where the night got even better!


Now my mum isn’t one of those sit on the side, spectator, I’ll watch why you have all the fun, kind of mums. Oh no! She is right in there, right in the action. When you go out you always experience all different types of men. This particular night we experienced them ALL. There the guy who just LOVED talking about himself, the ‘I’m new to Auckland, show me a good time’ guy, there were the Samba dancing Brazilians, hilarious Indians, creepy Indians, groovy Islanders, grinding Islanders, men that love themselves even more than the first guy, men that couldn’t keep their clothes on (Literally! Mum attracted the ‘stripper’ guy and had him rubbing up against her. She RAN away from him, but he couldn’t quite understand that notion and turned it into a game of capture the cougar), there was the guy with the wandering hands (*shudder* It wouldn’t have been so bad, but I turned around to see who he was and he was SO dark I couldn’t see his face. All I saw was his creepy ass grin! RUN) and finally the guy with the massive black girlfriend that was NOT happy with me (What? I didn’t know he was taken). Mum danced with Auckland’s finest until 4 am. What.A.Trooper! Remind me to take myself into a corner and have a word to...well myself. Because there has got to be something wrong with me if my MOTHER gets hit on by more men than I do. Not even older men, men MY age. FML. I’ve got to hand it to her though…she is a MILF. 


When she left Auckland I had a sore jaw from all the chatter and laughter. Sore body from all of the crazy D-Floor moves. Sore head from all the wine. Not to mention an empty wallet. Well to be fair it was empty before she got here, but that is beside the point.


It was a truly great weekend. Love you Mum (Cuuuuuuute!)


I hear Fifty calling … ‘I’m coming!’ (I wish! Heh heh). You know they say ‘We are the reflection of our thoughts’, well if that’s true that I am one dirty, *%&#@*, kinky, so and so…


Where was I? 


Pg. 186


As I place my mouth on his, he grabs my hips, and before I know it, I am pinned beneath him, his legs forcing mine apart so that he’s cradled against my body between my legs. He’s kissing me, ravaging my mouth, our tongues entwined. His hands trails from my thigh, over my hip, along my belly to my breast, squeezing, kneading and pulling enticingly on my nipple….


I’ll let you ponder on that for a while. 




Love & Laughs


Bex