Wine. It's a love/hate relationship.

Let me just start by saying, I should feel worse than I do. The universe should have thrown a mighty hangover my way. I deserved it. Instead I woke up with a sore head, yes, but that was it. How am I ever going to learn if I’m not dealt a considerable punishment?!


Oh shit. Wait a minute.  My cellphone… Why on earth do I intend on chipping away at my dignity every time I drink? I certainly made it to the top of my shit list today. Messages that read, “I’ll make it worth your while” and “I want to get freaky with you” were among the tame ones sent to my conquest last night. Let’s just say THAT won’t be happening anytime soon. Sigh. Your phone should have a breathalyser attached to it… “Access denied. You are too intoxicated to use this mobile phone. This service is to stop you waking up tomorrow feeling like a twat waffle.” 


If you drink then text, you’re a bloody idiot. 


So ladies and gentlemen if I have one bit of advice for ya, think with your head and not your vagina-hide your god damn phone. Oh and also KFC is NEVER a good idea when you’re a little hung. Never. 


What IS a good idea is creating new friendships. I LOVE meeting new people. (They are yet to know the real me and I can pretend I’m a responsible, sophisticated woman. Obviously if I come into contact with a wine bottle this perception quickly vanishes). Since moving up here I have been able to make new friends, as well as catch up with old ones. Friends are so important. I feel very blessed to have such amazing people in my life. People that love me for me. People that understand me better than I understand myself sometimes. And people that will pull my pants up and pick me up off the toilet, drag me down the hall way and put me to bed, even after just having an argument with them. (Did I mention I love you?!) No matter how busy life gets it is so important to show appreciation to the ones you love. Or the ones that take time to read your Blog. Cheers big ears :)


I caught up with a friend in Takapuna last weekend. (I walked away from our coffee date with a sore jaw. 6 hours of chitter chatter. What are we like?!) What a cool place. Takapuna Beach Café. Right on the beach, Rangitoto Island in the background. Dogs everywhere. The whole beach riddled with them. Big dogs, small dogs, long dogs and a dog that was wearing orange mittens on its feet. I.kid.you.not! There is also something hilarious about three sausage dogs trying to frolic in the waves .No?... Just me?! 


Auckland can be an expensive adventure, but some of the most awesome places it has to offer are in fact free. I like bush walks. There is something about them that makes me feel alive. Becoming one with nature and all that. Just don’t try and be a wise guy and veer off the track for ‘fun’. Otherwise you end up lost in a foreign bush for 3 hours; with nothing but a MP3 player (There is only so much of my ‘Move your arse shawty’ playlist I can take). I now wish I had seen more episodes of Man VS Wild. I know he are drank his own urine, slept inside a sheep skin and put a funnel up his anus and poured salt water down the tube to rehydrate his body…all in the name of survival eh?. I had to find my way back to civilisation fast; as I wasn’t willing to do any of those things (There were only birds around me. No sheep. And I pee’d before I left the house). If I’m not going to let a male go near my arse, why on earth would I shove a funnel up there? Yikes.


This week I have a learnt a few things. 


According to the bank I am no longer a ‘Graduate’ but rather an ‘Adult’ now and therefore I have to start paying fees and interest. Lesson one: Listen to your mother when she tells you to NOT get a credit card (Don’t try and hide it from her, she always finds out).  


Lesson two: Avoid shopping malls. I do not have enough disposable income to keep up with my shopping habits. There is no justification for buying a new top every week. (Note to self: Must buy red top to go with new shoes)


And lastly, lesson three: Eating badly all day then finishing off the night with a vege juice to make yourself feel better is not the way to a Zumba body. Also going for a walk and thinking skinny thoughts the whole time doesn’t actually work. Who knew? 


I have to go clean my room now. I’ve been putting it off since April. 


Love & Laughs


Bex


P.S Seriously, no matter how much your vagina tries to convince your head, don’t do it. Hide.your.phone!